Chaucerettescs

One small book rec: If you haven't read Stephen Fry's Revenge, read it. I came across it courtesy of my Scottish friend Christina, who identified it as the book The Stars' Tennis Balls (the original title. Apparently American publishers think Americans can't handle a wacky title, but we can handle an uninspired one). I'd hear of TSTB, but could never find it... again, because the title had been changed. It's an awesome book. A modern retelling of The Count of Monte Cristo with English schoolboys? Yes please. I was pleasantly surprised with how visceral it became; it doesn't shy away from the source material at all. Also, I adore Fry's defense of the book "Well, Dumas just lifted the story from an urban legend anyway..." and his sadness that so few people recognize his character name anagrams. Oh, Stephen, you darling man.

( Huzzah, a most productive month on the reading front )

Anyway... I should probably go study now. :(

Good time at Holly's birthday party the other night, even though Nick and I got lost (Note to self: Reason to Learn How to Drive #14: Boyfriend sucks at finding anything, even when I'm giving him express directions.). Jess and Colin= quite possibly the cutest thing ever, especially when ninja chivalry/him heroically shielding her ears is involved.

I'm beginning to feel the first tugs of panic regarding my monstrous school schedule (mostly because of a fucking ridiculously huge group project for Human Development. I hate group projects.). On the bright side, I ace'd my first anatomy test! Granted, I don't expect to be able to do it again, but I'm trying to think positive here.

Anyway, time for a new installment of the 50statesohheythat'salotofbookswhyaren'tyoustudyingrightnow? challenge:

I've decided to start doing book reviews the way we used to do book reports in elementary school. Heh, because it's perversely fun, quick, and does pretty much cover the basics. I'm not going to do the "Conclusion:" bit that was always required, though, as I hate spoiling the endings of books.

Well, I finished all of New England! ...With what feels like the core three institutions of New England: mental hospitals, small towns, and prep schools.

( Massachusetts: Shutter Island, or How Poorly Executed Twists Can Ruin a Good Book (no major spoilers) )
( Rhode Island: The Witches of Eastwick, or Why the Film was Infinitely Better )

( Connecticut:A Good School and Revolutionary Road, or That In Which a CSI Joke is Made at Richard Yates' Expense )

Alright, so that's all of New England. It's been a deeply (but unsurprisingly) depressing jaunt.

Next on the list... New York!

Had a terribly good time at Holly's last night with her, Jess, Aaron, Colin, and Bryan (yes, I finally met THE COLIN). It was a good sleepover, the kind that degenerates into everyone all piled on each other on one big futon in a way that would be uncomfortably sexual if it weren't for the fact that it's 3 am and you're all discussing sharks and public radio. There was pita bread and gay porn (close enough, lol) for everyone and sly comments about danishes and blushing Jesses... Good times, man, good times.

There were a lot of good quotes from last night, but I'm going to have to go with:
Colin: Jackie... you are not a gay man.
Me: :(
Colin: *pats my shoulder reassuringly* It's alright.
Aaron: LOL

Though this was also pretty fun:
Me: *tackleglomps the shit out of Aaron the minute she's in the door* That was our first post-porn hug!
Aaron: LOLOLOLOL
Bryan: ?????????????
Holly: LOLOLOLOL

We're all obviously very mature.

Anyway, I'll post an entry about all my new profs and things later. I'm too tired right now, so I'll just post some gobbledegook I did the other day. That's right, another installment of:


50statesohheythat'salotofbooks challenge:

( Our Town - Thornton Wilder )
( We Have Always Lived in the Castle/The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson )

Next time... a journey through the institutionalized world of New England. Boarding schools and mental hospitals... let's see how similar they are.

This started as an attempt to try my hand at some semblance of doodle anatomy. It's still rubbish, but at least I can draw arms and torsos better.

( OH, HEY, JOGGING! )

Why, yes, I am still awake... augh...

Saw Sherlock Holmes with Nick last night. I actually loved it. I promised myself I wouldn't come out of there shipping Holmes/Watson, but, uh... no good. ...They made it really hard, okay!? A good chunk of the plot is Holmes all hurt and jealous that Watson's leaving him to get married and their utterly old couple-ish, yet adorable bickering. Hee, everytime Watson did something badass Nick and I would whisper "Look! A clue!" "That's not a clue, Watson. That's your jar of jam." and giggle like a pair of twats. Slashiness, silliness and a good soundtrack... that's all I need, really.

EDIT: GURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL
lol, oh, Robert...
and lol @ Plunket and the movie execs pissing their pants

Whoo, I am effing burning through books this week, holy crap:
( IT & Dolores Claiborne by Stephen King )

Next time... a continuing tour of New England with Thornton Wilder's Our Town and the works of Shirley Jackson

Before I begin this, I'd like to have a tiny rant, specifically on my beef with Oprah Winfrey. Apart from the fact that I can't help but find it a little creepy anytime people en masse take a celebrity's word as gospel and aside from the fact I found her comment about inner city kids preferring an iPod to a top of the line school very condescending, my problem with Oprah is that she can't seem to keep her fucking stickers off my books. A shallow complaint? Possibly. But as stickers irritate me anyway, particularly ones on papergoods, particularly the hellishly gluey kind the Oprah Bookclub uses, I needed a rant. I prefer not having to take a hairdryer to a book before I read it, is all. That, and everytime I see one of those stickers, I think "Oh, look, Oprah read this book" and, somewhere inside me, a tiny Christian Bale says "Ohhhhhhh, goooood for you." That may be rich for someone about to write a quasi book review, but then you don't see me slapping my name on other people's books. I don't even want to get started on publishers who print little blurbs about bookclubs or "Now a Major Motion Picture!" right into the cover. I'm too much of an aesteticist when it comes to books, I think. [/venting]

( Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides )

I think I'm going to do one of these for each of the books I read, partly because I have no English classes this semester and that really depresses me. This will give me a chance to talk about books, even if I'm just rambling to myself.

Next time: Stephen King's Maine

Er... HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE TO EVERYONE ON THIS SIDE OF WORLD! HAPPY NEW YEAR'S DAY TO THE OTHER HALF OF THE GLOBE, INCLUDING THE WONDERFUL LOLSTRALIANS! HAPPY SILVESTER TO SKYLER AND KATELYN... UNLESS YOU'VE MOVED ON TO SPAIN ALREADY, IN WHICH CASE HAPPY NOCHEVIEJA!

I'm very bewildered that it's already New Year's Eve. Seriously, we just had New Year's Eve. With the glittery hats and popsicle sticks at Leah's?



No way was that a year ago.

There's sadly no party this year. I was waiting to see if the Grand Rapids thing was a go... and then nothing happened and then mum and I got food poisoning and then it was New Year's, lol.

I might as well post this now, as there's no way I'll have finished Rebecca by tomorrow night in time to add it:

( Title List for 50books1year challenge: GOAL MET )
( Challenge for 2010, or, How I'm going to End Up Giving Myself a Nervous Breakdown )

I have a ton more stuff to post, but I've been in quite the depressed funk lately. I went to an ENT, who just prescribed me Sudafed. It has been helping loosen up my Eustachian Tubes, but it makes me jittery (normal side effect) and very nervous (not normal). This combined with a serious bout of depression (one of those "where is my life going?" kind of things) and a very upset stomach (mom's sick too; she's much worse than I am, actually) is making for a not-so-pretty-picture. I'll probably post the other stuff later.

New Year's Resolutions:
*Write more
*Try to worry less
*Watch more old movies
*Stop buying copies of books you already have just because the cover is really awesome
*Survive next semester while earning best grades possible
*Give up Pepsi
*Find cure for crap ears
*Lose 15 lb
*Define a career path
*Complete 50 state challenge
*Stop underestimating own abilities

So, I went to see The Princess and the Frog tonight with Leah, Katelyn, Brittany, and Lisa. It was very good. Not really fantastic (or anywhere near Disney Renaissance caliber), but very good. Actually, my thoughts on the film can be summed up by the Bum Review:



( More of my thoughts, proving I think far too much about such things )

In other news, it continues to rain shit on my family. I told some of you that mom's car is fucked up (the air suspension has gone, meaning the tail end of the car drags on the ground). Well, tonight, my dad hit a deer. Dad thankfully wasn't hurt, but his car is completely wrecked. What makes it worse is that it was a company car, meaning we're responsible to fix it. The damage comes to $3000. Thank you, cosmos, God knows we weren't panicking over money already.

To complete the Twilight Zone overtone of this evening, we had carolers at the door. Christmas carolers. ...I didn't know they really existed outside of Christmas films and Charles Dickens, as I've never seen one before. And there were about 25 of them. What made it amusing was that we were all talking about the accident and dad, clearly still shaken, was standing in the foyer by the door:

Dad: *suddenly distracted* There's kids on the porch.
Us: ........
Mom: Er, babe...
Dad: There are! Carolers or something!
Us: *go to check*
Me: Holy shit...
Dad: LOL You all thought I was hallucinating.

I dunno, it's just been a strange, terribly unlucky couple of days. I was ok until it dawned on me that my dad could've died while I was watching a Disney film and it was all a little too weird for me. So, I'm in a bit of a strange mood at the moment. So, to summarize:

1. Mum's car fucked.
2. Katelyn going to Europe for five months
3. Dad nearly killed by rogue deer while I enjoy watching cartoon about frogs. Dad's car fucked. Now $3000 more in the hole.
4. Christmas carolers?!
5. ........
6. Profit! (?)

Well... at least it's the end of the semester.

( List of shit to do before next week )
In other news, there's a girl in my Comp class who really dislikes me because I bashed Twilight in front of her. And I dislike her... mostly because she has a sea sponge for a brain.

[My French professor has a class in my Comp classroom right before my Comp class:)
Chalkboard: *my French prof's handwriting* Je me suis tué.
Me: Doesn't that say "I killed myself"?
Twihard: It means... "I will be quiet."
Me: .....No...
Twihard: *snots* I just learned this.
Me: *shrugs* *mouths to professor* That's not what it says...

I wasn't going to bother arguing with her. I prefer Twihards stay stupid. I could understand her thinking it said "I hushed myself" (the past participle of se taire is "tus"), but "I will be quiet"= "Je me tairai". Ditz. Lol, I'm such a geek. FRENCH GRAMMAR IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. Hee, I'd like to think Redondo told her it said that, as that would be a very him thing to do. He never fails to amuse the hell out of me. Yesterday, for example, we discussed why he wishes they'd reinstate the guillotine. And then there was this:

Redondo: Um, numéro...huit.
No one: *gets answer right*
Redondo: Jackie!
Me: Eep! Yes?
Redondo: Last chance, pants!

At which point I couldn't answer the question because I was too racked with laughter.

And this:
Redondo: And now this one is sexist, "Did you hold open the door for the old ladies?"
Boy: ...How is that sexist?
Redondo: I...I don't know, I was just being careful.
Me and Stacey: LOL

P.S. Stacey, do you actually know when our French oral is? As in, an actual date? I'm usually pretty good at interpreting Redondo-speak, but I'm honestly stumped on this. Next Thursday?

So, for my French oral exam, my prof sent everyone a list of 600 questions. We have to pick 60 for him to ask us and be able to respond correctly during our one on one oral review. As my prof is marvellously batshit, several of the questions are awesome/weird/hilariously LOLWAT?:

132. Avez-vous admis la legitimité de Bush? (Did you admit to the legitimacy of Bush?)

136. Avez-vous interdit aux bébés de fumer dans la crèche? (Did you forbid the babies to smoke in the nursery school?) (I am so learning how to say "Yes. I make them go outside to smoke.")

223. Avez-vous promis la vie eternelle aux paiens? (Did you promise eternal life to pagans?) (For a moment, I read that as did you grant them eternal life and was tempted to say "...Holy shit, I can do that? I will gladly suffer through an oral exam for knowledge of my powers.")

294. Kevin, s’est-il rasé la tête à Katmandou? (Did Kevin shave his head in Katmandou?)

324. Allez-vous dire des conneries aux barjos? (Are you going to speak bullshit to the nutters?) (lolol I love this one.)

378. Vous êtes-vous adonné au vice? (Are you addicted to vice?)

392. Allez-vous me chanter des chansons japonaises ce soir? (Are you going to sing me Japanese songs tonight?)

485. Sarkozy, va-t-il préparer sa campagne à la plage? (Is Sarkozy going to prepare his campaign on the beach?) (lol)

548. Avez-vous peint la croix gammée sur les murs de ma maison? (Did you paint the swastika on the walls of my house?) (WAT)

558. Avez-vous réintroduit la nécessité essentielle de la trace écrite dans un discours philosophique? (Did you reintroduce the necessity of a written record in philosophical discourse?)

So, I have my schedule for next semester. It is 22 credits, which will enable me to get my Liberal Arts Transfer Associate's, so I can, well, transfer somewhere. And, before you ask, yes, I am required to take a MACRAO-approved, lab-based natural science course.

Mondays:
9 - 11:55 Fundamentals of Speaking (required)
12:30-2:55 First Year French II

Tuesdays & Thursdays:
9-10:25 Intro. to Human Sexuality (yay, psychology!)
11-12:25 20th Century History
1-2:55 Human Development and Learning (whoo, more psych!)

Wednesdays:
9-10:25 Essen. Human Anatomy
12:30-2:55 First Year French II

Fridays:
9-10:25 Essen. Human Anatomy
11-1:55 Anatomy Lab


Fridays:
9-10:25 Essen. Human Anatomy
11-1:55 Anatomy Lab
Fridays:
9-10:25 Essen. Human Anatomy
11-1:55 Anatomy Lab

Murder me right now

Jessica Gets a Double Birthday This Year! Sorry this took so long to get up, but the internet went out this morning. >:(

( Alright, this merits some backstory. )

Anyway, fic-time

Title: Spaghetti, Showers, and Soho (Rubbish title, I'll fix it later)
Pairings: Rufus/Nikolaj
Word Count: 6,983
Rating: NC-17
Timeline: Summer, 2002; After Graduating King' College, Ru and Nik are moving into their first real flat together
Disclaimer: Well... they actually are my intellectual property, so I can do with them as I damn well please (though perhaps shouldn't be allowed to). This one is canon as far as I'm concerned.
Author's Note: Done for Jess' 22nd birthday. And it's taken me until just now to realize that Rufus and Nik would be 22 when this story takes place. It was only meant to be fluff, but it's...this. It is something you will either enjoy or something you and I will make sure to never mention again. Um... Happy Birthday? There is another, decidedly less porny, gift for you in the works.
Warning: Boysex (hooray!), swearing (though if you're reading this, it's nothing you haven't heard me say a million times), references to godawful pasta and doing debauched things in the shower. Again, I've never written explicit sex before, so don't expect it to be terribly good. Features a few words I dislike writing, but which have no synonyms that aren't either clinical or silly-sounding. Gah, I can't believe I'm posting this. For those of you strictly interested in porn, just know this contains long bits of exposition and fluff that only I and a few other people care about.This is apparently my new method of building character histories -- writing smut. I'm sort of at peace with that.

( Nik mmm's with satisfaction, lifting him off the floor a bit, and then peeks over Rufus' shoulder. 'You lost a shoe.' )

So, to tally:
Pasta Dishes Ruined: 1
Sexy Danes: 1
Accurate Impressions of Ben Being a Pompous Ass: 1
Items of Furniture/Showers Christened: 5+
Sexual Acts Within a Period of 12 Hours: 6
Sexual Acts Actually Shown "Onscreen": 2 (sorry)

It needs to be said that I find the notion of Rufus, Nik, Geoff and Alan living together at university ridiculously hot. I'm a bad person. I'm a little afraid that now that my smut-writing-virginity has been broken, none of my characters are safe.


Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to go find somewhere to die.

Our conversation on Fahrenheit 451 in class today ended with discussing vibrators.

And it was Mr. Avinger who brought them up.

This class is amazing.

HAPPY BELATED HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

For Sean. I was bored:



I adore Halloween and am so.pumped.for.the.party. As I mentioned to Leah, Nick and I might be up to a half an hour late. Neither he nor I have the gas money this week for me to go get him, so his parents need to do it. Problem is, his mum can't get there until 6-6:30, putting him in Brighton around 7:45. Wonderful. And I can't go on ahead because he needs to come to my place for part of his costume. Being dressed like Marie Antoinete will probably make waiting around even more depressing.

In other news, I changed my own earrings without assitance and/or flailing, which is good. The one ear is still very difficult to work with since it has a big bump at the site of the piercing, making it hard to find the exit hole.

Finally, I need to go in and talk to my counselors this week as I would like to finish my Associate's this upcoming semester. However, that means taking 22 credits when the maximum is 17. But it's only six classes (only one more than what I'm taking this semester) and only 4 more hours of class a week than what I'm taking his semester. Which I'm more than capable of handling, but I know they're going to dick with me. That's the only thing I dislike about Community College, the counselors can be very condescending. They don't mean to be; they just are. Take the average bumbling counselor and multiply it by 3. It's like they assume that because you're at Community, you must be stupid, which is an implication I resent as stupid people are the exception there, not the rule. Our teachers don't treat us like morons, so why should the administration? Whatever.

So, today a Muslim family in their traditional headgear came into my dad's work to buy a car. And no one besides my dad would help them. All the other salesmen went and hid or passed them along to someone else. One of the salesmen got pretty mad when my dad kicked him out of his east-facing office (interrupting a very involved game of Farmville), so that they could have a place to pray. Even the clerk refused to fill out their paperwork and made my dad do it.

So, in other words, these salesmen just refused service to a couple of doctors with sparkling credit in the midst of an economic disaster just because they're too busy being cowardly little prejudiced fuckrags?

I really fucking hate it here sometimes.

People like this make moving seem all the more desireable. That claustrophobic feeling is creeping back in, btw. The land-locked feeling. Granted, that may have something to do with the fact I spent most of the day browsing Florida real estate, but seriously... when a glimpse of the ocean out the window in a photo of someone's kitchen makes you want to start crying, I think it's time to go back to the damn beach (I haven't seen the ocean in four. fucking. years.) I seriously want to cry just thinking about it right now. And it is the stupidest thing to be upset about ever, but I just can't explain it. You know what? It's actually quite similar to how I feel when I have caffeine withdrawal. Seriously.

In other news, today I perfected my Marie Antoinette costume. It looks pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.

P.S. My dad did manage to find them a nice car, btw. (It's for their son).

Oh my God, guys, I am on Cloud 9. I just went and saw David Sedaris for the first time ever and briefly got to meet him when he signed my books!

I am so happy right now, you don't even know.

Me and Katelyn got tickets last minute for The Wharton Theater in Lansing (I absolutely had to go. I've missed it everytime he's come to Ann Arbor and he won't be back in Michigan for two years). So we went to Noodles & Co. and Katelyn patiently put up with my childlike squee the entire night. Including standing in line with me for an hour and 40 minutes to get my books signed. Because she loves me. And I love her. And I owe her so bad now since she still had homework to finish and what no.

I have to say seeing David isn't the weird part... hearing him is. It's surreal to hear that voice come out of someone in front of you instead of, you know, an iPod. Anyway, he read a lot of new material (including a fiction piece skewering ultra-right-wing house wives) and told us about the book he has coming out next year (a collection of morality tales "Though since I don't have very straight morals, they're more like... stories with animals.") He also recommended "Our Dumb World", a parody atlas put out by The Onion which David describes as "very naughty". It's fucking amazing (Katelyn spotted me some extra cash... because she loves me. And I love her.)

BUT THEN BUT THEN I GOT TO MEET HIM. (I am still on such a buzz). He really is so sweet with his fans. He took time to talk to everybody and sign everything that they want signed (hence why the line moved at a crawl). I had him sign my copy of When You are Engulfed in Flames and my sad, beat to shit copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day. This second one I brought alone hesitantly, but mom insisted I bring it for sentimental value.

Mom: You could tell him you've had it since you were 12!
Me: ........I don't want to make him feel old.

( Well......... )
Though I have to say... I knew he'd be nice, but he's so much nicer than I could've imagined. I don't think I could stand meeting someone whose work I loved and have them turn out to be a dick (like Philip Pullman is rumored to be). But David is really wonderful. He really seems to love what he's doing (not that I blame him) and to love talking to people.

And the Venture Bros. premiere is on!

Best.Sunday.Ever.

I read Stephen King's treatise on the horror genre Danse Macabre this month. It's a very cool book and dead useful when writing papers on horror. The whole book is more or less a stream of awesome quotes and anecdotes, but I really love this notion:
I remarked to an interviewer once that most great writers have a curious childish look to their faces, and that this seems even more pronounced in the faces of those who write fantasy.

He goes on to describe what he means, citing a few specific examples, and expalins that it's really in the eyes. How, even when they're old, so many writers still have very child-like eyes. And, of course, being the dork I am, I did some research!

( And he's totally right. Warning:Image-heavy )

They're all adorable.

So, I just got back from seeing Zombieland with Nick (yes, I know, another zombie date). I was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. Not Shaun of the Dead good, but good.

On our way out, Nick (bless 'im) pointed out a certain poster featuring a certain lanky, blond Brit.

Ok, so.......... Paul Bettany as the angel Michael?

Why do you keep doing this to me, Hollywood?

The movie (Legion) doesn't look terribly good, though I suppose having an apocolypse brought on by God rather than Satan is an interesting film concept for a change.



The effects are just a tad too lulzy. Like that crap Constantine film, which really isn't the sort of thing I'd go to see. But with this poster:



...what option do I have?

I expect to make many HolyBibble jokes.

EDIT: It might be a tad premature, but... Michael/Gabriel OTP.